Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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