Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
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