Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
