Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
