Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
