my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
