fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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