do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize