Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
