her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
