great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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