Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
