shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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