I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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