My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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