I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
