I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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