So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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