I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
