can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
