You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
