so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
