the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
