In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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