My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
