we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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