Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
