it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
