ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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