glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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