peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
