I've blown a few things in my day
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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