So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
