he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.