update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
