I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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