Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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