I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
