Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
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Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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