the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
