Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
