I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize