Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
