**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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