dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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