This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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