every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
