Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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