yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
