I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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