my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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