VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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