what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
