I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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