Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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