SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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