Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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