i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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