I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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