this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
