The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
