ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
