Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think my tv is drunk
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
