Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
