girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
