From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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