He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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