i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
