Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
