you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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