Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
