the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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