just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
