i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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