In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think your dad took our porno
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
