I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
