If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
