You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
