oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
