As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
